When we are facing times of transition it can become quite easy to “lose ourselves,” so to speak. Time and time again I hear my clients, especially those that are adjusting to life after divorce, say that they “don’t recognize their life anymore.” The advice I give them is always the same and today I wanted to share that advice with you too.
Celebrate what is good in your life
In tough times it can be so easy to stay focused on the negative and what is “going wrong” that we can forget to focus on what continues to be good in your life. I often suggest that my clients start a journal and each and every night I encourage them to write at least 3 things they are grateful for that day, 3 positive outcomes they faced that day and 3 happy moments in their day. In the beginning many of them struggle to see the good and this task can take a great deal of time each night, but soon they are writing without hesitation and truly focusing on the good.
Also, when they are having a bad day I encourage them to take that journal out and re-read it. The memories that come flooding back to them serve as a source of inspiration and joy and make it much easier to face the bad days with grace and ease.
I continues to amaze me how many of us use the words “I’m not ready,” far too often. Here’s a little piece of advice, unless you take action you will never be ready. Don’t keep putting it off, as it will never be a better time to take action than right now. Don’t wait for it to be the “perfect” time or the “perfect” situation because if you wait for perfect it will never come. Instead challenge yourself to take an “imperfect” action. I guarantee you will be glad you did.
Balance your food choices
So many people that are in a transitional period in their life struggle with huge weight gains. In times of struggle we tend to “overindulge” and then we get on the “dieting rollercoaster” as a means of compensation and in our struggle to begin eating healthy.
Eating healthy should be more about moderation than about counting calories and dieting. It is amazing the results you can have when you put moderation into practice. We are in a society of overeaters and far too many of us are eating more than we should at mealtime. People continue to be unaware of things such as, “What is the right portion size of meat to eat in a meal?” “How many servings of each food group should I eat?” the questions are endless. The best practice is now and always will be to check with your doctor or a nutritionist for their advice on what is best for you. The simple fact is this: we need to start pushing away from the table sooner.
Oh, and on a side note, don’t be afraid to indulge in the foods you like, just again practice moderation. It is absolutely okay to have a piece of pie, just not half the pie!!
Concentrate on what you have control over
Many situations in our life we have absolutely no control over what is happening and our only choice is to learn to accept the situation and move on. Until you do that it can be quite easy to feel like you are “losing control” of everything and not just that one situation. This can be very, very stressful and the emotional consequences are immense.
To get through these times in our life, it is important to start focusing on what you do have control over. Perhaps the number one thing you have control over is your thoughts; absolutely no one can tell you how to think in any given situation. Make the decision today that you and ONLY you will have this control and you will put an immediate stop to letting other people influence these thoughts. I guarantee this one step, especially when mastered, will have you feeling like you have regained the control.
Review your financial situation and set financial goals
For many the biggest reason we feel as if we don’t recognize our life is because our financial picture has changed drastically, especially for many of my clients that are trying to survive divorce. First things first, take an inventory of what you have (investments, savings, income, expenses, etc.) and then start setting some goals.
When you know exactly where you stand financially and you are able to start working towards goals for improving your financial situation, it is amazing how liberating this can feel and give you the sense that you are gaining back control of your life.
By implementing these five changes in their lives, my clients have all agreed that although they no longer recognize their life, they are definitely happy with the “new” life they are creating.